Dating below your league

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If someone told me to change friends, I'd drop them like a hot potato. We had absolutely zero intellectual compatibility. We enjoyed doing things together and he would often wait for me to visit or would visit me for major social functions we had so we would go as a couple but friend of mine say he has been seen out a lot more recently and has been quite a 'ladies man' recently.

Sure, it's easy to do The Rules on guys you don't like. This concept may strike some people as crass and calculating, like a business contract being hammered out. I believe that anything that gets us out of our comfort zones is met and approaching attractive women is certainly up there. He goes out on a first date with you. Or do you just think you could never have a chance with a girl who looks that good. For the record, the answer makes sense to me--because I've la good books over some men before--but I have no personal experience of the Western milieu in which you and these bloggers live.

However, to truly gauge whether you are in her league, you need to be honest about your own looks. Those men will NEVER choose a post-wall woman who is use to pampering herself with material things.

What Dating ‘In Your League’ Should Mean - Amazingly enough in the real world, models do sleep with mere mortals.

Hi Evan, I just turned 37. I am very attractive and smart and down-to-earth. I love helping people and have the biggest heart. I have first dates then second dates, then the guy sees my classic Jaguar and my luxury apartment and he thinks that I am out of his league. I was told that a couple of times. I met a handsome professor and he was a good person with a great heart but he continued to ask me over and over why I was going out with him when I could have any man that I want. I am not arrogant and sometimes try to play down my looks and the Jag. Good looking guy with a big heart and a fat wallet drives a Ferrari. The only men you can intimidate are the WRONG men. He goes out on a first date with you. Why are you single? You could have anyone. My dating coach told me to run from guys like you and stick with nice guys who want commitment. I am very much looking for a wife and family. And any guy who chooses to engage you beyond your looks and car will be sold on you as well. Good riddance to men who are afraid of Ferraris or perfect bodies or PhDs. If you are as great as you say you are, you should have no shortage of quality suitors. I explained that her profile certainly gave many hints of her wealth — pictures of her sailing in the Med, mention of her beach house, her part-time employment in an art gallery, etc. To cap it off she drove her Porsche for our first dinner. I explained that men are going to fall into one of three basic groups: 1. Likewise, many men are going to be intimidated by a woman who is extremely attractive and appears to be wealthy. No, but it is the reality. You are in an enviable position in many regards. While some men will always be intimidated by you, you can overcome the initial feelings of intimidation that other men may have by your words and actions — make the man realize that you are truly interested in him for who he is — and the initial feelings of intimidation and uncertainty will soon dissipate. In my experience, cars are one thing that guys do notice immediately. Let them see the real you minus the heavy bling expensive car, flashy jewelry. Just tone it down a wee bit. I am a lawyer, and I was dating another lawyer years ago. I made partner at my firm. I did not discuss the huge salary increase, but most people in our area know the firm well-and the large salaries that come with partner status. My ex worked as a public defender. We were having dinner one night, and he advised me that he did not want to date a woman who earned more money than he did. Mind you, I NEVER discussed income, bank accounts, or anything else financial with this man. I tried to laugh it off by saying, well, there is simply more to donate to charity. I never flaunted my success. I always stroked his ego. Of course, we broke up that night. Years later, I am dating a teacher who loves me and just went ring shopping with me. I know he does not have a large salary, and I am fine with that. I picked a classic ring that reminds me of the first ring my father gave my mother when they married years ago. I tried to convince him otherwise. What a waste of time. My father was a teacher and it did happen frequently while being somewhere we walked into one of his old students, he was proud that he did did contribute to the life of his student and the impact he had. I just used another standard, i. But I have to admit such a thing can only be done if the man has high self-esteem. There is a famous couple in the United States, she was one of the best lawyers in her city, the capital of a small state, he was a local politician, she made much more than he could ever dream of, then he became the 42th president of the United States. In fact, it was a date with a highly successful, attractive woman that led me to realize that my wife to be, was the girl for me. In short, she spent the entire date talking about her career and her travel, that she was never at home. But I think as Evan said, look in the mirror first, make sure what it is you really want, and then be open to the types of guys you say you want. Perhaps this is one of the ways of thinking that needs to change with time. As women on average gain parity with men in terms of income, there will be a growing number of women who are substantially wealthier than many men, just looking at distributions. Men, there are many ways that you provide for women and make us happy that have nothing to do with consumer purchases. We fall for someone not so much based on what we think of them, but how they make us feel about ourselves. Or would it be better for me to say how we find ourselves feeling about ourselves due to them. I am wondering if the guys that Niki has been seeing have any idea of what she likes about them. This actually is more important that someone like Niki, who has all this going for her, shows this kind of appreciation to the guys she is seeing, than it would be for a plainer woman to show that kind of appreciation to the guys she is seeing. The way the employer sees it, the overqualified candidate might not work as hard or she might leave when a more suitable position comes up. So if the overqualified candidate really wants to be hired, has to work harder to show the potential employer that she really wants this job and why. Why should men change? I am an attorney, I make a decent living and get to do stuff I really enjoy. But let me tell you, I am not driving a Jag own a SUV that is a Hybrid , wearing my rolex, expensive accessories, or telling my potential date about my beach house, my speaking engagements or the daily battles at work. And I can see that once they realize what I do, see my home, this gets complicated. I think society as a whole — both men and women — will be changing how we think about men, women, and money in the future, as the income disparity narrows. There are possible implications for many ways in which men and women interact. It is an interesting time. Niki OP : I think some of the points people here have raised Michael17 and Still Looking about making your special man feel special would be helpful for you. He wants to know he has the ability to provide you happiness and satisfaction in some way. Fifty years ago, there was no such thing, just as there was no such thing as a high-earning woman. Times change, and we have to adjust, otherwise we will end up eliminating a lot of good people for no valid reason. Michael17 has some really great points in 12, IMO. They apply not just to Niki, but to any woman that has a lot going for her. Or man, for that matter. What do you recommend? Especially if I see it on a first date. Not being fixated on how much money either of us spends, and seeking women who are also not fixated on that, and who see that there are so many other ways to show you care. You can find people who makes little money but expect high class everything on dates, and you can find people who are well off, but are totally flexible about dating, money, and the rest. So, maybe Niki just needs to figure out a few ways she can demonstrate that flexibility. That is their problem, NOT hers. A priest can be an alpha, D. Second, you just pointed out that only a successful man would be able to handle her success-suggesting that a man must match her earning power. This is just dumb. The man just needs a job and be a good guy all around. Moreover, women just hate admitting to being like this because, again, the perception of others matters more than anything else. There are so many above average height, entrepreneurial, or high-earner women online who for some reason think their accomplishments and stats matter at all to men, and keep shooting for the tallest, wealthiest, most educated dudes that are just swimming in 23-year-old women. Those men will NEVER choose a post-wall woman who is use to pampering herself with material things. Lady, stop blaming men for not seeing what a catch you are, and just go live your life. Btw, if all of your friends are married, you did it wrong. I was born into it and I was given nice things and a fine education. Am I supposed to turn these privileges down? All my life people made an issue about my privileges. They asked countless questions. They kept harping about how fancy my dress, bags, shoes, etc. Not drive expensive cars. Not mention about assets and properties until they grill me. As soon as I mention I have that stuff, they get disappointed or they feel bad about themselves. I was dressing down I love to dress up. I went to cheap restaurants for their sake. I would go to matinees instead of evening shows because they needed to save a couple of dollars. I would take a taxi and some people complained that I waste money. No BS, no guilt-tripping. I make plenty of money for a single person and grew up in a six figure household but we saved our money for a great college education and travel, not to throw around on a huge fancy house and fast cars. Maybe this woman should work harder to find men closer to her status, or who share her values — say, a guy who may not make a lot right now but is excited about starting his own business and can see himself caring about nice things. Sometimes it is an ego thing. That is silliness, IMO. In other cases it can be a more fundamental problem of mismatch values. For context, a few years ago I dated a well off lawyer who made about 4 times my already fairly generous salary. It was a bonus that she was so well set financially. She lived in a nice but modest house and drove a mid-range SUV just like Liz 15 , but she could have afforded much more. Recently I briefly considered dating a nice woman we went out once who was independently wealthy. She had a few issues that made her unappealing to me, but the first deal breaker was what she drove, how she dressed, her manicure, her bling, etc. That was clearly important to her. Mia hit my number on the values though I disagree about the class and league thing. If values match, it becomes a choice whether or not to feel comfortable. No matter how much money I make, I will never own a Jag or Porsche or Ferrari or Maserati etc. That is a real turn off. Like Nikki 5 said, for me extra money means more for charity. It is a choice and whatever floats your boat is fine. But please consider this. The biggest difference is, the women who wear the Bling have already paid for it themselves… the others are just waiting for some guy to buy it for them. Oh, and interestingly enough, the guys who marry poor women and provide them with expensive stuff end up feeling like The Big Man who saved the Little Girl. The guys who marry women who already can afford their own toys too often end up resentful and sullen. At the risk of being pilloried, I will throw the idea out there that it is not such a terrible thing for a woman to want or own expensive things. Also, would you judge a man in the same way if he had such expensive accoutrements? It really does seem as if for a lot of high-achieving, high-earning women, being able to find a man who will support you in an expensive lifestyle AND let you stay at home is a big status symbol. Dont hide your Jag or your condo. Any man that can not deal with it, is not the one for you. And how dare folk question her about how wisely she spends her money. That Jag may be a drop in the bucket in terms of her income. The reality is that there are 3 camps: 1 Those that little egos can not take a woman making much more then them 2 Those that will try to take and advantage of the situation and 3 Those that do not have a problem with it. Sad to say 3 is in the minority but they are out there. Although the Lifetime channel migh make you think otherwise alot guys can not handle a woman making ALOT more than they do. But, I acknowledge that my career, income, and professional life is a lot to take on. Inevitably, they discover it, and sometimes it creates a strange dynamic. Patience,is however a necessity. This is just one of three reasons I have seen in this thread that a man might choose to not date a woman who has and spends loads of money. I am talking about different world outlooks. This is not a wisdom issue. But i meet this guy online three years ago and ended up becoming good friend as we interacted daily online and occasionally meet in real world as i travel sometime to his city, just for a cup of coffee and chat as we really liked each other. All these three years i didnt know that he was super rich. He kept it simple. He never flashed his wealth on my face. If i knew how rich he is on our first date i would have ran away too. Seriously, most of the men in his position i have came across till date were sort of players,dominant,arrogant,self centered jakkas,not interested in marriage and kids etc. Try online dating that might wok with you. Try to be simple on first few dates instead of taking fancy car for dates. Let people see your mind first before they see your wealth. This guy applied same strategy and it worked. I was freaked out big time after visiting his office first time but then i knew he as a person last three years so decided to stick with this relationship. She sounds like she wants more options, not less. In which case, why not make a few subtle shifts to de-emphasize possessions while on dates? View More Comments: 1.